Lost And Found
by icyvampire123
Summary: Ponyboy blames himself for Johnny and Dally's death so he gets a little visit from a certain greaser presumed dead however, just because he's dead doesn't mean he left. one-shot be sure to review. this is NOT a JohnnyXPony fic!


**AN- this just popped into my head so I thought it'd make a good one-shot. =D**

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"Ponyboy it's time to get up" Soda whispered.

I groaned and rolled over. I didn't want to go to school. There was no point in it anymore.

"please Pone. Darry will blow a gasket if you skip another day" Soda pleaded.

"I'll go tomorrow Soda I promise"

Soda looked down at me. His eye shinning with worry. I wish he wouldn't worry so much about me. I didn't deserve his concern. I had skipped the last 3 days school. Wallowing in in my guilt.

Johnny and Dally are _dead_. **dead.** I found the word foul and it left a dirty taste in my mouth whenever I said it. I tried to avoid the word at all costs it pulled at my heart and tore me apart.

I closed my eyes as Soda sighed and dragged himself out of bed. He wasn't going to make me go but I knew if Darry were here he wouldn't be so lenient. Darry had to work the early shift and he'd told Soda that I _had_ to go to school today. I'd missed a whole week when I was in Windrixville **(sp?)** and another 3 days when I was supposedly "mourning" the loss. Soda said he would but I could tell he didn't agree with Darry in sending me back to school so early.

"Ponyboy I ain't taking responsibility for this when Darry gets home got it!" Soda shouted as he entered the bathroom for his morning shower.

I didn't say anything, just laid there still as a rock. I heard the shower turn on and I sighed. Soda would be leaving soon and then I could be alone……..and let it all out.

For the longest time Soda had always been the person I went to when I had a problem, even when mom and dad were still alive. Soda always knew how to help me he always knew how to comfort me when I was sad, and how to calm me down when I was angry. He was there when I woke up screaming from nightmares and he was there when I ran my very first track competition. He's always been there and he's always been able to fix things when they went wrong………but **death** was the one thing Soda could not fix. It was the one thing he could not reverse. And even though he _and_ Darry both tried to heal my wounds there were just some things that could not be healed.

When I heard the shower turn off and Soda come padding in I closed my eyes again and pretended to be asleep. Soda didn't like to disturb me when I was sleeping because he knew I didn't get a lot of it. I listened as he tried to be extra quiet…and failed. He dropped something on his foot and yowled, then he tripped over one of my shoes that had been left in the middle of our floor, and then when he was in the kitchen I heard a plate shatter. I almost smiled……._almost._

Soon though I heard Soda come back in the our room. Softly he said "I know you ain't asleep Ponyboy. Come out and eat something before I leave"

I didn't even bother looking up at my brother. He was so concerned his voice was flooded with it. And the worry in his eyes was so unbearable. I didn't deserve his worry, his concern, his comfort. I _killed _my best friend and a close buddy. I was the reason Johnny and Dally were……gone. How could he actually care about me? A murderer? Sure I saved some kids from a burning church but at what cost? I lost Johnny and Dally. Sometimes I wish I hadn't run in that church. I wish I'd just let those little kids burn to death. If I had then Johnny and Dally would still be here right now. They'd be sitting in our living room laughing their heads off at one of Two-Bit's perverted jokes and stuffing their faces with Darry's homemade pancakes. Then Johnny and I would go to school talking quietly in the backseat of two-bit's car smiling at our little inside jokes that nobody would ever understand. After school we'd go to the Dingo and hang out with Dally and whoever else was available and not working. Then we'd come home and spend the rest of the night with the gang. Darry would make dinner and we'd all eat, maybe getting into a food fight. Then watch some late night T.V. then we would say our goodbyes and go to bed, wake up the next morning and do it all over again. But that would never happen again. Those days were over.

"I ain't hungry Sodapop" I mumbled.

Soda frowned "when was the last time you ate anything Pony? One, two days ago maybe? It ain't healthy"

I sighed "I'll have some soup or something later Soda. I'm just not hungry right now"

Soda groaned but gave up. "fine. I'll see ya later" and with that he stormed out of our room and out the front door.

I sighed and rolled out of bed. I had somewhere to go today and I was dreading it.

* * *

The cemetery actually wasn't as gloomy and depressing as I'd thought it would be. There weren't many people there which was nice since I didn't exactly want an audience. I looked down at the tombstone, at the name that would be forever engraved on it.

"hey Johnny" I whispered "sorry I haven't been around to visit. I was…" I paused looking for the right word "busy" I finally concluded.

There was silence and I felt tears welling up. _dead_. The word appeared in my mind and I found myself almost gagging at the sound. I brushed my fingers against the smooth stone. It was cold, I retracted my fingers from it immediately. Cold like Johnny's body. I thought. And then the tears came and they didn't stop. I'd always been embarrassed about crying in front of the gang. It was sort of an unwritten law that you just didn't cry unless something awful happened such as losing a buddy. But Johnny was more then a buddy he was like a brother to me. The whole gang were brothers to me but Johnny and I were always the closets

"I'm sorry Johnny" I grumbled miserably "I k-killed you. You and Dally both"

"no you didn't Pony"

For a second I could have sworn I heard some say that. The voice was oddly familiar but I refused to think anything of it. The last thing I needed right now was to start hearing voices.

"your not crazy" the voice came again. It sounded like part of the wind.

I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. _there's no one here! Open your eyes and you'll see!_

So I did open my eyes and then…I screamed.

"hush up Ponyboy or people will think you are really nuts" Johnny hissed.

"oh my god oh my god I am crazy I am!!!" I cried.

"no your not! Now be quiet!" Johnny snapped.

"if I'm not crazy then how can you be here?! Your dead!"

"true I am dead but that doesn't mean I left now does it?" Johnny said gently.

I looked up at Johnny. His black onyx eyes stared down at me. They were soft and filled with worry. So much like Soda's. Johnny didn't look like your ordinary see through ghost he was solid and looked normal, wearing the same clothes he had on the day we ran into the church. His hair nice and smooth and greased back. He looked exactly the way I remembered him.

"aren't you supposed to be in heaven or something?" I asked finally getting a grip on myself.

Johnny smiled "yes. I've been there. It was nice Pony real nice but I'm not really allowed to tell you much about it"

I was silent a moment then said "is Dally up there too or did he go….somewhere else?"

Johnny laughed "oh no he's up there and enjoying every minute of it. He's real worried about you too and so am I"

"you shouldn't be! I killed you both"

Johnny's face became hard and stern "that's not true Ponyboy Curtis. Don't you ever think that again after today you hear me! You did NOT kill us! I made the choice to follow you into that church and I don't regret it. Not one bit! We saved them kids Pony you should be proud!"

"I am…sort of. Sometimes I wish I'd just left them. You and Dally would still be alive if I had" I immediately felt guilty when I saw the look Johnny gave me. He was horrified.

"pony that's awful. I know your sad but…eventually you have to move on and having thoughts like…that is not a good start"

"I know it's not" I groaned.

We were silent again and Johnny sighed "Ponyboy it's ok to be sad you know that right? You don't have to hide it from your bothers and from the rest of the gang"

I nodded "I know it's just embarrassing. You don't see Darry bursting into tears now do you?"

"they're just as upset as you are" Johnny replied gently,.

"yeah they just don't where on their sleeves like I do"

"there's nothing wrong with that Pony. I hear the chicks really dig sensitive guys these days" Johnny smiled.

And for the first time since Johnny and Dally's death I smiled too. It was a real smile too not one that I faked just to get through the day. "yeah I guess your right"

Jonny chuckled and then he got serious. "You know I'll be watching but this won't happen again Pony"

I frowned "I know it won't"

Johnny sighed "it'll be ok after some time you know"

"yeah"

"just do Dally and I a favor"

I looked up and saw Johnny's eyes boring in to mine and I knew he meant business "yeah what is it?"

"it's ok to be sad but don't let it take over you life Ponyboy. You're a smart kid and your definitely going somewhere, someday. But don't let my meaningless loss of life ruin it for you. It wouldn't be fair to you"

"I won't" I paused "oh and Johnny before you go?…"

"yes?"

I smile "tell Dally I say hi"

Johnny laughed "sure thing" then he smiled and his eyes sparkled "bye Pony we'll see each other again. Just not anytime soon I hope" and with that Johnny was gone. Disappeared as if he were never even there.

I looked up at the sky "bye Johnny" I whispered.

* * *

When I got home from the cemetery it was already dark. Soda and Darry and the rest of the gang were waiting for me. That night I made dinner and we all ate together laughing and smiling. Maybe those days that I thought I had lost…were finally found again.

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**AN- so what do ya think?! Leave reviews and give your opinion!!!!**


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